Fringe Benefits

One of the fringe benefits of going to the Edinburgh Fringe in August is that there are a plethora of jokes doing the rounds. I noted a few of the shorter ones being passed around in a few of the pubs (where else? ... well the newspapers as well), and here they are:

• My dad suggested that I register for a donor card ..... He's a man after my own heart.

• I've been happily married for four years ..... out of a total of ten.

• I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool but as I had drunk a few too many pints, I wasn't going to be much good in the quiz. So just for a laugh, I wrote 'The Beatles' or 'Steven Gerrard' for every answer ...... I came second.

• Why is Henry the eights wife covered in tooth marks? ...... Because he's Tudor.

• Is it possible to mistake Schizophrenia for Telepathy I hear you ask.

• Hilary Clinton is about to show that any woman can be the President .... as long as their husband did it first.

• I'll tell you what's unnatural in the eyes of god ...... Contact lens.   

Masai Graham - Winner Best One Liner Edinburgh Fringe 2016 ... Guessed Which One?

..... have a good day!

Lost In Translation

This amusing story about a Chinese tourist who was travelling around Europe, but without being able to speak English or in fact any foreign language at all, apart from his native Mandarin, he suffered the almost inevitable hiccup in his itinerary (He tried to report a stolen wallet during a visit to Germany, and unwittingly signed an application that got him stranded as a 'refugee' for two weeks in Germany’s burgeoning asylum bureaucracy.) 

The Chinese Have A System For Not Getting Lost Abroad - They Take The Whole Town With Them.

The Wonders of the Age …. Seeing The Future Now

'The Wonders of the Age' …. 'Seeing The Future Now' .... the sort of headlines World Fairs or Great Exhibitions would trumpet in the USA and Europe ..... 

Great Exhibition 1851 - All The Wonders Of The World.

 

So while those were the two countries that visitor would go to witness ‘The Wonders Of the Age’ …. nowadays it has to be China. 

Edinburgh Fringe Reviews 2016

Yes its that time of year again, and we at PC Towers are just back from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. As usual we are giving you a review of what we saw - which was a reduced itinerary this year ... we ain't getting any younger folks, and anyone who has done the festival can vouch for how tiring it can be.

But of course other reviews are available, and these are just personal observations by a few of the audience. Five stars is excellent - Three stars is good -  One star is very poor and No star ... well lets not go there (you don't want to be that act!!)  

The acts are listed purely in the order in which we saw them:

The Kagools: 3 Star

Silent physical comedy act featuring two (kinda) strange girls - it was entertaining enough, but not enough to recommend that you see them specifically. Its not clear if they have another (non silent) act, or if this was just a bucket list kind of event to tick Edinburgh off.

Cheekykita .... a near miss?

Hiding Behind Fig Leaves

Its a sign of how Russia is now joining the race backwards (which parts of the new 'Western civilisation' is also quickly joining), when a statue of Michelangelo's David recently put on show in central St Petersburg, may have to be 'dressed up' i.e. underpants put on it, because a resident objected to its 'nakedness'.

The Simpsons David Is Clothed .... After Morals Committee Vote

This all reminds me of the episode of the Simpsons, when the same statue faces the same prejudice from the local morals association and has pants put on it ..... Of course Marge Simpson gets them removed, but then no one goes to see the statue apart from her and a reluctant Homer.

FLASH, BANG, WALLOP!

Old It … FLASH, BANG WALLOP! ..... Wow, what a picture, what a photograph ….. good enough indeed to stick it in your family album!

If this isn’t the best fun museum in the world right now, then FLASH, BANG WALLOP, I’m an early caveman, in his fur, finger painting on the walls. 

Satan Or Just A Snake ....

The End Of Things (Kinda):

I have been in a strange mood recently, and I am not really sure why as nothing much has altered in the last few months. Sure I am getting older, but then aren't we all? My health is OK ... not great, but OK, and I am not suffering any particular strains or worries (certainly not financial or emotional ... the two that normally trigger mood fluctuations or stress).

A Weird Mood?

So why the weird mood?

One Fat B'stard

A lorry driver in Kings Lynn was found guilty of mowing down and killing a woman police officer because he was looking at a text message. He had already had convictions for drink-driving and for using a mobile phone while driving. However, he had not apparently learnt anything from this, and had continued to ignore any law that didn't suit him.

Now, because of his total willfulness in learning nothing from his previous convictions, a woman is dead, a family shattered ... and if he has any conscience, then he will be ashamed. But somehow I suspect that he isn't bothered at all .... except on how getting caught may impact his own life. Plenty of tears for that no doubt ...

One Fat B'stard .....

Spidey Time Off

Its just your local friendly Spider-Man hanging out and watching Nelson Football Club in action, a team who play in the North West Counties Football League in the UK .....

Spider-Man Just Liked To Hang Out ...

The Daily Bugle missed a scoop ...

Your Never Too Old

The 'life begins (or ends) at 40' story, attracted much comment when it came out. Basically for those who never caught it, the great British public were asked what and what wasn't acceptable to those who reached the age of 40, via a survey sponsored by a retirement company.

Granddad So Wanted To Be A Hipster, It Hurt ....

So apparently, by the 40's a person should:

Wight Inbreeding ....

The news that the Chairman of the Office for Standards in Education (Ofsted), David Hoare, has described the Isle of Wight as a 'poor white ghetto' populated by 'inbreeds with three eyes' .... just joking, he didn't mention any extra limbs or organs, made me laugh.

The Isle Of Wight - Sunshine Scenery and Sport's? ....

Saving For A Rainy Day

Work is no fun for most of us and that's a fact. Still in the first world it is generally better, than working in a third world country, where everyday can be a struggle to get the necessities of life. In India for example, despite their huge advances in wealth promotion, about half the population is living a subsistence existence, and are no more than a day or so away from disaster, both financially and physically.

Rainy Day Funds Are Essential For Security ....

 

But even in the West, its not all as cut and dried as we like to imagine. For instance, in the US the Federal Reserve Board regularly surveys US citizens financial status .... in 2016 it asked the question. "How would you pay for a $400 emergency?". The answer: 47 per cent of the respondents said that either they would have to cover the expense by borrowing or selling something, or they would not be able to come up with the $400 at all. Just Four hundred dollars .... a lot in third world terms, but a relatively small amount in our terms, or so I thought.

Dumbest of the Dumb

This blog has recorded many a stupidity, often by people of authority who really should have known better.

These have been across the globe, but lets be honest, it is often from the lands where comedians are thin on the ground, where the best laughs have come ..... radio controlled spy sharks, vultures, pigeons and squirrels are just a few of the tales that the lands of the uneducated scholars have made us laugh at over the years.

However I hold my hand up with this story ... they have simply blown every other stupidity into the water.

This one comes from the Anti-terrorism Court in Karachi, Pakistan and involves, senior Judges and Anti-Terror experts .... supposedly 'educated' men, at least by local standards. So when during a hearing, the Judge asked investigation officer Constable Abil Abid about how an explosive device actually worked, you would expect that there would be a sensible explanation with diagrams and power-point presentations etc .... sadly not so.

The Mask And The Suicide Belt Should Have Given It Away ......

The constable offered to give a 'practical' demonstration and they all gathered around him .....

On the Lash With Euro Trash

A mate of mine is off to Lisbon for a boozy weekend 'City-Break'. This led to a lively discussion on where was the best place to go for a cheap and sunny long weekend, on the lash in Europe (excluding the UK, which has its own type of charms and consideration ~ Whitley Bay and Blackpool come rated highly for drinking cultures, but not for the sunshine or culture).

So, much research took place (over lunch time) ..... which is still probably more than most men would ever do, apart from over football fixtures. The end result was a league table (of sorts) of the best places to go for a Euro City-Break drink-up holiday based on:

(a) Available cheap flights from UK, with shorter travelling times (from London, or Manchester).
(b) Reasonable accommodation costs.
(c) The price of alcohol for a large (about 12 drinks), mixed round of drinks (including Wines, Beers and Shorts with spigot mixers).
(d) Based on £1.00 = Euro 1.30 ish at time we did this. (Always check prices before travelling as pound is falling fast at the moment until Brexit day).

Its assumed that these are summer only visits, and that there are some fairly lively club and bar scenes in each of these party towns. In the interests of anyone who is planning such a trip, here are our findings in a regional sort of way:

Eastern Europe is King:

1. Prague in The Czech Republic ~ Scenic and Sunny in summer. Reportedly a large round of mixed drinks is especially cheap at around £30.00 (one cheapskate, said that even with a few girls drinks, he managed a round of ten drinks for £25.00).

Prague Booze Ups Could Be Rather Sedate Affairs ...

Germany Calling

What a sign of the times we live in - life elective and President of Turkey. President Recep Tayyip Erdogan chose to organise a rally ostensibly in support of democracy, err no, well actually err, himself. Nothing new about that as he regularly organises these rallies, which are covered slavishly by a now non-free Turkish press.

Turkeys Cologne Rally ....

But this time he looked to the newly occupied areas of his new Ottoman empire ... In this case it was Almanya Arama (Germany calling) to the AKP. So it was organised in Cologne, right in the heart of Markel's Germany (and incidentally the scene of a mass sex attack by Muslim men earlier this year).

Religious Reporting Politics

There are times when I despair of the BBC and its reflex PC defence of Islam and its followers  ...

Yet Another Islamic Bombing  According To Headline ...

  .... no matter what the event, the words Terrorism, Muslim or Islam must not be visible together.