Are you thinking of coming to Britain for a holiday?
There are of course some very good reasons to do so. We are an ancient land, with a history of human habitation continuous since the last ice age of 12,000 years ago.
As a consequence, we have a rich history and culture, much of which is still visible in either the landscape, or in monuments such as Stonehenge, the numerous Castles, or held in Museums. We native Brits are generally friendly, tolerant and helpful. We also queue politely and say 'thank you' to bus drivers when we get off and 'sorry', when its not our fault e.g when nearly bumping into each other (your meant to say say sorry back by the way). Crime levels are generally low, and although as one American visitor told me 'the summers are cold and the beers are warm', most visitors have a really good (if sometimes expensive) time. Oh, and we mostly speak English ..... So plenty of good reasons to come here.
However I have looked at our tourist websites over the years, and never ceased to wonder at the fact, that the picture painted of the country by them, is always a little bit surreal .... well at least to someone who resides here.
Now don't get me wrong, none of them are pushing lies, but they are not always as forthcoming about everything that a tourist needs to know about, and in a manner not dissimilar to that of the BBC, they tend to gloss over some of the more unpalatable aspects of life in modern Britain ... which are similar to many other western countries.
So here's maybe the one chance for you to obtain all the off the wall advice before a trip to the UK.
The Name:
We answer to either being British, as in a resident of the British Isles, or a citizen of Great Britain, (which by the way, just to confuse you, can also be called the 'United Kingdom'), or to being a member of our constituent nations e.g. English, Scottish, Welsh or Irish (Northern Irish Catholics may identify as being 'Irish', whereas Protestants may prefer 'British') ... so no confusion there, right?
However, do not ever call a Scottish, Welsh or Irish person 'English' ... it really offends them. The English will largely laugh if misidentified as being of another nationality. Non white subjects of the crown (we are 'subjects' by the way, not 'citizens'), usually prefer to be described as 'Black British', or 'British Asian' etc .... but this varies a lot, and is a tricky issue to broach, which is just best avoided if possible.
Travel Infrastructure:
Travelling around the country you are visiting is an aspect of any trip that any tourist is bound to be interested in, and indeed you will find it a vital requirement in Britain. But be warned, the UK's 'Bank Holidays' are effectively no go's for all rail travel, because that's when essential rail maintenance is undertaken, and many Inter-City and airport train lines, are effectively reduced to badly run coach services on the overcrowded motorways .... so avoid Bank Holiday travel within the UK. You have been warned!
Airports:
The UK's International airports are generally modern (most terminals are upgraded fairly often), but they lack expansion space. For instance, there are generally not enough runways for all the traffic at the major hubs (Heathrow, Gatwick and Manchester). This results in several issues ... limited flight numbers being the most obvious (most of the major airports do not have overnight flights). Therefore the facilities for passport and security control are often undermanned and overwhelmed, so you can expect long and lengthy queues for passport verification on inbound flights, and even longer queues than that, for security scanning on the outbound flights.
Best Air Option:
If you can use a smaller regional airport such as Edinburgh, Liverpool, Birmingham or Cardiff etc, then you can reduce these problems considerably ... they are also just generally nicer places.
Rail Travel:
Courtesy of our Victorian forefathers, the UK has a comprehensive rail system. However in a couple of acts of social vandalism: Firstly both the Conservative and Labour Party implemented cuts its coverage in the 1960's, and secondly the Conservative party 'privatised' it in the 1990's. So now its a number of 'competing' franchises, which have not bought the 'lower costs', and or 'better travel' as predicted, but rather just the opposite. The basic idea of the privatisation was 'competition', but had the rather obvious fatal flaw in that they are all sharing the same track, so they all travel at the same speed as the slowest trains ... so no high-speed trains in the UK.
Pricing is a complete shambles, and the limited and ageing rolling stock is generally completely packed, especially on the major commuting lines (in and out of major cities), during the early morning and evenings. This means that getting a seat during these periods is unlikely, and having suitcase baggage almost guarantees not getting on the train at all at some stations during those peak periods. So travel 'off peak' if you can.
Rail Carriages:
If you are are on the main inter-city lines or commuter trains, then you get the nearest we have to modern trains (10 to 20 yrs old, except for the new 'virgin' trains and some London services) ... however on the branch lines, the rolling stock ages, to often being up to 50 yrs old - broken window latches, old three person bench seats, doors that let in drafts, and one hell of a noise, even though you are only doing 20 mph ... its not always as bad as that, but I live in the north, where rolling stock is routinely older than the south east.
Passengers:
If you are on the main inter-city lines or commuter trains, then you get the normal travellers most of whom respect other passengers and don't act badly. If you go off the beaten track onto the local hopper stoppers, then you may well, if you are unlucky, find yourself travelling with examples of the 'welfare state' .... e.g. 3 teen girls (one pregnant, two with baby buggies which they never fold up), and an example of an unemployed male called Gary or 'Gazza' aka 'Homo Unemployable' .... something to tell the friends back home that you have seen ... the next step in human devolution. Most of us avoid interaction and eye contact ... strangely these specimens don't seem so common on road coaches, but I don't know why.
Best Train Option:
Do not book any train seats to travel on the same or next day. Its full price and sometimes more expensive than air travel! Use a website such as http://www.nationalrail.co.uk/ and book all your tickets on-line and in advance. The further in advance the better, 6-8 weeks seems to be the maximum forward period that the offer seats are available from. Seat prices are much reduced, tickets can be collected on the day from machines or the booking office, and come with a reserved seat for free. Use off peak times (after 09:30 and before 16:00, or after 19:00), if possible ... but you do have to travel at the time designated on the saver ticket i.e. the ticket is not an open one.
Road ~ Coaches:
Rarely the cheapest option, or even the fastest (given how crowded the motorways are during commuter times), and usually best left to students, but may be a viable option if rail or car not practicable ... National Express coaches and Stagecoach are the usual providers and have depots in the centre of major conurbations (Magic buses are another option) ... Organised coach tours are usually far better.
Road ~ Cars:
The UK has many roads and motorways, but the motorways are very crowded near major conurbations (see peak times for trains), however they do get better the further north one travels ... Passing Manchester on the West coast, and Sheffield on the East side of the country, one immediately notices the motorway traffic starts to thin out. In between commuter peaks, the motorways can be a lot easier to drive on. Local towns are OK for cars, but the city centres can be poorly served by car parking, and local buses can offer a better alternative than a car ... although you are best sitting downstairs if you don't want to risk close encounters with local 'characters' such as the aforementioned 'Gazza'. Park and ride schemes vary in availability so check in advance.
Oh, and do remember two things:
1. We drive on the left hand side of the road .... That's Important!
2. We use roundabouts ... the basic rule for these is give way to traffic from the right.
Best Road Option:
Plan your journey beforehand, use a travel app (google maps etc), and be aware that commuter traffic can be very heavy. Try not to travel on the roads on any national holiday (known as 'bank holidays' in the UK) ... or you will find out to your cost, just how overcrowded we are!
All day 'hop on and hop off' bus tickets are great value for tourists criss-crossing a city (ask bus driver for details) ... Oyster cards are popular in London. Do not be fooled by the apparently small distance between locations in Britain ... traffic volumes can make these very long journeys for small distances. Oh, and for many of you, we travel on the 'wrong side' of the roads, and we use traffic roundabouts properly (I have driven in France!).
Taxis:
Traditionally we have roaming black cabs which can be flagged down. Private hire cars have to be booked so don't get in one if it stops and offers to take you (its at best illegal and at worst, well that could be anything). Finally we have Uber, which fits between the two as you book it via the phone app.
Language:
Use of English may surprise visitors. We say things that you misunderstand ....
Locations and Pronunciations:
What can I say .... we have had old British languages (like Irish and Welsh Gaelic), plus Latin, German, Danish, Norse and Old French as the sources of what's now 'English' .... these have all fed into place names e.g.
'Leicester' only has two pronounced syllables ... despite seemingly having three. It's pronounced "Lesta", similarly 'Bicester' is "Bister" and 'Edinburgh' is 'Edinboro or Edinburah' (and NOT Edinburg).
Even I can't explain 'Cholmondeston' being pronounced as "Chumston."
Regional Accents:
We nearly all talk 'English' in the UK, but you may find that its incomprehensible to you ... this is because we are no longer taught 'Received Pronunciation' at school (its considered elitist in left wing teaching circles to be able to be understood by your fellows), and so dialect creep has returned to the UK for the first time in a 100 years. We are held together now by no more than 'TV English' i.e. the language used on TV, which we need to be able to understand our entertainment broadcasts.
So when you find that you don't understand a word people are saying, rest assured, you haven't wasted your money learning the wrong language, its simply that the chances are that you speak better English than either the native stock, or the immigrants who now live here (many of whom don't bother to learn English anyway).
Particularly problematic areas for other natives, let alone tourists are:
There are also multiple other languages spoken in the UK, and many 'residents' don't speak any English in any form .... (see inner city 'no go areas'). Normally your ear will tune in to the language / dialect after a while.
Sights and Sounds:
Most tourists have a plan - this means a lot of the usual suspects (London ... London and err London ... Oh and Shakespeare's house). But there are other items of interest that you might want to consider.
Capitals:
The British Isles uniquely offers four 'capitals' inside its borders, and the chance to easily visit a fifth in Eire (The Irish Republic).
First thing then ~ London: In point of fact, London is actually a multiple of cities, connected by a rail system called 'The Underground' aka 'The Tube'. In this regard its no different from many other cities such as New York with its boroughs. However in contrast to other cities, London doesn't really have a tourist heart. It really is a bit of a trek to move from say the theatre district of the 'West End', to Windsor Castle ... that's not to say that a visit isn't worthwhile, but there are in fact many other locations which a tourist might find more interesting than London.
London Alternatives: If you want to see 'Olde England' you won't see it much in London, but there are other places where something still exists. The English Tourist Board can furnish much advice if you know what it is that you really want to see.
Cardiff the Welsh capital is undergoing something of a revival, and not only boasts modern developments, but also has a large castle smack in the middle, and in fact for military historians Wales is a goldmine (they have one of those as well), with all of King Edward I's castles littering the landscape. Cardiff also hosts an annual 'military tattoo' in its castle, that is second only to the one held in Edinburgh.
Edinburgh the Scottish capital is the jewel in the crown of British capital cities. Its Architecture was untouched by the bombing campaigns of WWII (which destroyed much of the Medieval buildings that had survived in England), and so all its historic buildings still stand in a beautiful city centre. It hosts the Edinburgh festival in August (which is usually a wet month, so be warned), for which accommodation is at a premium. However if you haven't booked accommodation a year in advance, try looking on the web for accommodation in a small nearby area called 'Portobello', as its connected by a very reliable bus service to Edinburgh centre. This service, takes no more than 20 minutes and is also a late night running service. However its still a great city outside of the festival month and worth the trip ... be aware that Leith is not Edinburgh despite websites suggesting it is.
Northern Ireland: Now that what was euphemistically called 'the troubles' are mostly over, the province is trying to attract visitors. The capital, Belfast, is interesting if not especially attractive. London Derry (or 'Derry' depending on which community you talk to), still has its late medieval city walls, while the 'Giants Causeway' coastal feature is a world heritage site. Also its only 2hrs or so between the two capital cities of Belfast and Dublin by car/rail, so you can visit a Euro-zone nation.
NB: Money ~ the UK is still on Pounds Sterling(£) with the basic £1.00 coin divisible by 100 to currencies as 1 pence, 2 pence, 5 pence, 10 pence, 20 pence and 50 pence coins. Notes are £5.00, £10.00 and £20.00 (there are £50 and £100 notes, but not in general usage, and if offered one, politely decline as the risk of fraud is higher, which is why we don't use them much).
Britain is no longer a member of the European Union, and the rest of the EU is largely on Euro's (€) ... be sure to have some of both if you plan to visit other European countries inside the EU such as Dublin (Those outside the EU have their own sovereign currencies).
Castles and Stately Homes:
Not to be confused as one and the same thing ~ Once all the civil wars and rebellions died out, many lords knocked down the old Moat and Baileys, and set up Stately homes ... Longleat is one such, but there are a lot of them around the regions, and in fact almost anywhere there are good examples that can be visited by tourists. However if time is a factor, then an alternative castle to Windsor is Warwick Castle ~ a big deal in castle terms, and with a Stately Home attached to boot. So a two in one tick list moment, or see Wales for lots of big castles.
Cathedrals:
We also have an abundance of fine Cathedrals across the country ... most major cities have one, and they often put on music events to highlight their acoustic qualities. Similarly we have many museums and art galleries (many, if not all of these are free entrance, although they do ask for voluntary donations).
Countryside:
Despite the UK being an increasingly overcrowded country, there is still much natural beauty with large heather moors, small lakes and big lochs, rolling hills and rugged (if smallish) mountains in Wales and Scotland - transport and accommodation need to be planned to view them.
Many tourists like to see the Lake district (Wordsworth country), the Norfolk Broads (canal boats on the broads are a great way to see the local countryside), the Highlands of Scotland (The Jacobite lands), the Welsh valleys, or the Moors of Devon or Yorkshire ...
Crime:
Fictional: 'Midsomer' is the most dangerous place on earth, literally worse than a Mexican cartel town, and other quaint little towns have homicide rates comparable to Angola. Oddly, TV detective show 'Taggart', was set in a Glasgow that had less 'murders' than in the actual Glasgow ....
Real: The UK generally is a low crime country (murders for example are rare per head of population, but make big news for that same reason), but like most industrialised nations, urban street crime is more common than we would want.
* This particular set of figures is from the Metropolitan Police, and as a result does not include data for the City of London, where crime rates measured against population tend to be much higher than any other borough.
London is actually a multiple of cities, some of which are not worth visiting, some are a little scary, while others are 'showy' and tourist country ... do not stray into the scary ones. Black on Black gun crimes are not unknown in some boroughs such as Hackney and Haringey, and street crimes are not uncommon in others. Tourists are often targeted in London tourist spots for street robbery, so don't wander off the beaten track on your own too much. We also have a begging plague, with our own feckless joined by the best that Eastern Europe can offer, and both littering our streets with the dog on a string and a begging cup. Do not give to beggars, they are invariably 'professional' beggars, who the police should be arresting, and getting your money out may mark you as having money to other interested parties.
Outside of London, in tourist areas such as Stratford Upon Avon (that Shakespeare house), these issues are not such a concern ... you have to be slightly mad to want to sit in the rain in Manchester 'begging' (although still a lot do). Also, because the tourist numbers are not so concentrated, what street crime there is, is more haphazard rather than organised. Glasgow in Scotland is the highest ranked city for violence in the UK .... But in point of fact, street crime is generally very low outside of the hotspots mentioned.
No-Go areas:
There are areas of most cities in the UK (as in most world cities), where whilst you are OK during the day, you wouldn't be so happy to wander at night, these are generally poor sink-hole public housing estates ~ they are of little interest to tourists, but should be avoided at night if you had planned a visit.
Despite official denial, there are ethnic zones in many inner city areas across the country .... the areas are usually poor, often visibly non native, and again unlikely to be of normal interest to a visitor to Britain, so any accidental tourist should be very quickly able to spot when they have wandered into one ... the tourist concerned will likely stand out like a sore thumb. These are not 'rich areas of cultural intermixing', as some would like to portray them, but actually 3rd world blights, where women are subdued in a sea of misogynist and socially backward (and often unemployable), men.
If for some strange reason you find yourself in one of these areas, Do Not Hang About, especially if you are a lone female ... you are usually in no danger of any kind except of being an object of curiosity, but if you feel frightened or threatened, Get Out (or call 999 for the police ~ trust me they will understand). These areas, are not being tackled by extra policing, because the local councils who run all these boroughs, are either in complete denial that they exist, or in the case of one in London, in complete cahoots with the no go agenda.
In general a little bit of common sense will ensure a trouble free visit, by avoiding the obviously dodgy areas .... much the same as say a visitor to Chicago or Los Angeles would need to be careful.
Drinking:
The British do not generally drink in a light manner. That is to say, just a couple of slow drinks to ease conversation along ... to put it bluntly they, 'binge drink' to one degree or other. With older people its usually better controlled (like me!!), and they often remain coherent, if loud, as they drink a couple of pints per hour for hours on end, often finishing with 'one or more for 'last orders'. The younger crowd, don't handle the volumes as well, and can sometimes be aggressive and violent, or more likely just incomprehensible and loud ... if your culture is not of a similar ilk, then do not try to match the locals 'drink for drink'. They are tuned for it, while you are not (the difference is that they will be out doing it all weekend, whereas you may be laid low for some days after a 'session').
If caught in a drinking round, its polite to buy one drink back, or drink a return drink if you bought the first drink, but then either make your excuses and leave (no one is offended if a drinking round has been exchanged), or make a joke about your weaker constitution, and cry out of further round drinking (this second ploy makes the Brit pleased that they can out drink a foreigner, and is accepted as being just part of the natural order of things).
Top Tip for Aussies, Kiwis and White South Africans .,... those little 'stubbies' you drink, are less than half a UK pint, and so being able to neck a 6 pack (or even 12 pack) back home on a Saturday night, hardly counts in UK terms ... moving on to pints while in the UK, usually finds you out .... so don't fool yourselves, or risk making a real fool of yourself.
Drugs:
The UK like any other Western country is beset by a sea of drugs, with 'legal highs' (aka Chemist Drugs) being a special favourite, and a higher risk, as its not known what's in them. Also like other countries, the drug scene is awash with violence and risk ... best advice don't buy them. Your on holiday, and don't want to risk being here for considerably longer at her majesties pleasure! If your holiday must include these items, then use a local who you know and trust, to sort you out ... but never hand over money before getting the gear.
Policing and Emergency Services:
British police do not habitually carry guns, and generally in my opinion, carry out their duties with a better sense of humour than their continental counterparts. They are generally approachable (when there's no riots going on ... just joking), and will help tourists. If you are having a problem or feel endangered, go to the police. The emergency telephone number for the police is 999 ~ do not use this for non emergencies.
The accident and emergency health treatment is free in the UK (well it costs us a fortune in taxes, but its free at point of use), and again the emergency telephone number for the ambulance (and fire brigades) is 999.
Odds and Sods:
A Chip butty is white bread, buttered, with hot chips ('French fries'), as the sandwich content. Served with Tomato (Heinz only ... other red sauces are rubbish) or Brown (HP only ... other brown sauces are rubbish) sauce .... both delicious by the way.
We often apologise for everything British .... even this post LOL. Everyone is always telling visitors how sorry they are for the weather, the food, the travel prices, etc etc ... get used to it, we don't want you to agree.You are supposed to make light of our apologies, and say something nice about us.
Supermarket 'carts' are 'trolleys' in the UK and a 'trunk' is a large suitcase, not back storage area of a car which is 'the boot'.
We often count floors from the ground e.g the 'second' floor is 'the first' and you get there via a 'lift' instead of an 'elevator'.
Many sinks and baths still have two taps of water on the sink: One for steaming hot, one for freezing cold, and if you want mild water, you have to mix it yourself by having both taps on and it mixes in the bowl.
And that's about it ...
Whilst this is an entirely unofficial set of advice, I have tried to be accurate at the time of writing (things change). This post is not to try and put you off coming here, and in fact despite the fact that I'll probably get some grief off other Brits for this advice, I hope that you come and have a great time.
However what I am also hoping this post achieves, is to provide you the sort of advice that is both helpful, and means that you don't come here unprepared for the way things really work in the UK ... and allow you to have a good holiday.
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| City or Countryside - Britain Has Something For Everyone. |
There are of course some very good reasons to do so. We are an ancient land, with a history of human habitation continuous since the last ice age of 12,000 years ago.
As a consequence, we have a rich history and culture, much of which is still visible in either the landscape, or in monuments such as Stonehenge, the numerous Castles, or held in Museums. We native Brits are generally friendly, tolerant and helpful. We also queue politely and say 'thank you' to bus drivers when we get off and 'sorry', when its not our fault e.g when nearly bumping into each other (your meant to say say sorry back by the way). Crime levels are generally low, and although as one American visitor told me 'the summers are cold and the beers are warm', most visitors have a really good (if sometimes expensive) time. Oh, and we mostly speak English ..... So plenty of good reasons to come here.
However I have looked at our tourist websites over the years, and never ceased to wonder at the fact, that the picture painted of the country by them, is always a little bit surreal .... well at least to someone who resides here.
Now don't get me wrong, none of them are pushing lies, but they are not always as forthcoming about everything that a tourist needs to know about, and in a manner not dissimilar to that of the BBC, they tend to gloss over some of the more unpalatable aspects of life in modern Britain ... which are similar to many other western countries.
So here's maybe the one chance for you to obtain all the off the wall advice before a trip to the UK.
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| Great Britain or United Kingdom, but always Four Nations (for now). |
The Name:
We answer to either being British, as in a resident of the British Isles, or a citizen of Great Britain, (which by the way, just to confuse you, can also be called the 'United Kingdom'), or to being a member of our constituent nations e.g. English, Scottish, Welsh or Irish (Northern Irish Catholics may identify as being 'Irish', whereas Protestants may prefer 'British') ... so no confusion there, right?
However, do not ever call a Scottish, Welsh or Irish person 'English' ... it really offends them. The English will largely laugh if misidentified as being of another nationality. Non white subjects of the crown (we are 'subjects' by the way, not 'citizens'), usually prefer to be described as 'Black British', or 'British Asian' etc .... but this varies a lot, and is a tricky issue to broach, which is just best avoided if possible.
Travel Infrastructure:
Travelling around the country you are visiting is an aspect of any trip that any tourist is bound to be interested in, and indeed you will find it a vital requirement in Britain. But be warned, the UK's 'Bank Holidays' are effectively no go's for all rail travel, because that's when essential rail maintenance is undertaken, and many Inter-City and airport train lines, are effectively reduced to badly run coach services on the overcrowded motorways .... so avoid Bank Holiday travel within the UK. You have been warned!
Airports:
The UK's International airports are generally modern (most terminals are upgraded fairly often), but they lack expansion space. For instance, there are generally not enough runways for all the traffic at the major hubs (Heathrow, Gatwick and Manchester). This results in several issues ... limited flight numbers being the most obvious (most of the major airports do not have overnight flights). Therefore the facilities for passport and security control are often undermanned and overwhelmed, so you can expect long and lengthy queues for passport verification on inbound flights, and even longer queues than that, for security scanning on the outbound flights.
Best Air Option:
If you can use a smaller regional airport such as Edinburgh, Liverpool, Birmingham or Cardiff etc, then you can reduce these problems considerably ... they are also just generally nicer places.
Rail Travel:
Courtesy of our Victorian forefathers, the UK has a comprehensive rail system. However in a couple of acts of social vandalism: Firstly both the Conservative and Labour Party implemented cuts its coverage in the 1960's, and secondly the Conservative party 'privatised' it in the 1990's. So now its a number of 'competing' franchises, which have not bought the 'lower costs', and or 'better travel' as predicted, but rather just the opposite. The basic idea of the privatisation was 'competition', but had the rather obvious fatal flaw in that they are all sharing the same track, so they all travel at the same speed as the slowest trains ... so no high-speed trains in the UK.
Pricing is a complete shambles, and the limited and ageing rolling stock is generally completely packed, especially on the major commuting lines (in and out of major cities), during the early morning and evenings. This means that getting a seat during these periods is unlikely, and having suitcase baggage almost guarantees not getting on the train at all at some stations during those peak periods. So travel 'off peak' if you can.
Rail Carriages:
If you are are on the main inter-city lines or commuter trains, then you get the nearest we have to modern trains (10 to 20 yrs old, except for the new 'virgin' trains and some London services) ... however on the branch lines, the rolling stock ages, to often being up to 50 yrs old - broken window latches, old three person bench seats, doors that let in drafts, and one hell of a noise, even though you are only doing 20 mph ... its not always as bad as that, but I live in the north, where rolling stock is routinely older than the south east.
Passengers:
If you are on the main inter-city lines or commuter trains, then you get the normal travellers most of whom respect other passengers and don't act badly. If you go off the beaten track onto the local hopper stoppers, then you may well, if you are unlucky, find yourself travelling with examples of the 'welfare state' .... e.g. 3 teen girls (one pregnant, two with baby buggies which they never fold up), and an example of an unemployed male called Gary or 'Gazza' aka 'Homo Unemployable' .... something to tell the friends back home that you have seen ... the next step in human devolution. Most of us avoid interaction and eye contact ... strangely these specimens don't seem so common on road coaches, but I don't know why.
Best Train Option:
Do not book any train seats to travel on the same or next day. Its full price and sometimes more expensive than air travel! Use a website such as http://www.nationalrail.co.uk/ and book all your tickets on-line and in advance. The further in advance the better, 6-8 weeks seems to be the maximum forward period that the offer seats are available from. Seat prices are much reduced, tickets can be collected on the day from machines or the booking office, and come with a reserved seat for free. Use off peak times (after 09:30 and before 16:00, or after 19:00), if possible ... but you do have to travel at the time designated on the saver ticket i.e. the ticket is not an open one.
Road ~ Coaches:
Rarely the cheapest option, or even the fastest (given how crowded the motorways are during commuter times), and usually best left to students, but may be a viable option if rail or car not practicable ... National Express coaches and Stagecoach are the usual providers and have depots in the centre of major conurbations (Magic buses are another option) ... Organised coach tours are usually far better.
Road ~ Cars:
The UK has many roads and motorways, but the motorways are very crowded near major conurbations (see peak times for trains), however they do get better the further north one travels ... Passing Manchester on the West coast, and Sheffield on the East side of the country, one immediately notices the motorway traffic starts to thin out. In between commuter peaks, the motorways can be a lot easier to drive on. Local towns are OK for cars, but the city centres can be poorly served by car parking, and local buses can offer a better alternative than a car ... although you are best sitting downstairs if you don't want to risk close encounters with local 'characters' such as the aforementioned 'Gazza'. Park and ride schemes vary in availability so check in advance.
Oh, and do remember two things:
1. We drive on the left hand side of the road .... That's Important!
2. We use roundabouts ... the basic rule for these is give way to traffic from the right.
Best Road Option:
Plan your journey beforehand, use a travel app (google maps etc), and be aware that commuter traffic can be very heavy. Try not to travel on the roads on any national holiday (known as 'bank holidays' in the UK) ... or you will find out to your cost, just how overcrowded we are!
All day 'hop on and hop off' bus tickets are great value for tourists criss-crossing a city (ask bus driver for details) ... Oyster cards are popular in London. Do not be fooled by the apparently small distance between locations in Britain ... traffic volumes can make these very long journeys for small distances. Oh, and for many of you, we travel on the 'wrong side' of the roads, and we use traffic roundabouts properly (I have driven in France!).
Taxis:
Traditionally we have roaming black cabs which can be flagged down. Private hire cars have to be booked so don't get in one if it stops and offers to take you (its at best illegal and at worst, well that could be anything). Finally we have Uber, which fits between the two as you book it via the phone app.
Language:
Use of English may surprise visitors. We say things that you misunderstand ....
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| Saying One Thing And Meaning Another |
Locations and Pronunciations:
What can I say .... we have had old British languages (like Irish and Welsh Gaelic), plus Latin, German, Danish, Norse and Old French as the sources of what's now 'English' .... these have all fed into place names e.g.
'Leicester' only has two pronounced syllables ... despite seemingly having three. It's pronounced "Lesta", similarly 'Bicester' is "Bister" and 'Edinburgh' is 'Edinboro or Edinburah' (and NOT Edinburg).
Even I can't explain 'Cholmondeston' being pronounced as "Chumston."
Regional Accents:
We nearly all talk 'English' in the UK, but you may find that its incomprehensible to you ... this is because we are no longer taught 'Received Pronunciation' at school (its considered elitist in left wing teaching circles to be able to be understood by your fellows), and so dialect creep has returned to the UK for the first time in a 100 years. We are held together now by no more than 'TV English' i.e. the language used on TV, which we need to be able to understand our entertainment broadcasts.
So when you find that you don't understand a word people are saying, rest assured, you haven't wasted your money learning the wrong language, its simply that the chances are that you speak better English than either the native stock, or the immigrants who now live here (many of whom don't bother to learn English anyway).
Particularly problematic areas for other natives, let alone tourists are:
- The Newcastle area, where a thick Geordie dialect sounds more like 'Olde English' than the modern language.
- Liverpool, where a Canadian visitor once told me he thought that they were talking 'Klingon' .. it was actually thick 'scouse'.
- Glasgow, parts of which can take some ear tuning to understand.
- Some rural areas, which also exhibit strong accents - Devon and Yorkshire spring to mind.
There are also multiple other languages spoken in the UK, and many 'residents' don't speak any English in any form .... (see inner city 'no go areas'). Normally your ear will tune in to the language / dialect after a while.
Sights and Sounds:
Most tourists have a plan - this means a lot of the usual suspects (London ... London and err London ... Oh and Shakespeare's house). But there are other items of interest that you might want to consider.
Capitals:
The British Isles uniquely offers four 'capitals' inside its borders, and the chance to easily visit a fifth in Eire (The Irish Republic).
First thing then ~ London: In point of fact, London is actually a multiple of cities, connected by a rail system called 'The Underground' aka 'The Tube'. In this regard its no different from many other cities such as New York with its boroughs. However in contrast to other cities, London doesn't really have a tourist heart. It really is a bit of a trek to move from say the theatre district of the 'West End', to Windsor Castle ... that's not to say that a visit isn't worthwhile, but there are in fact many other locations which a tourist might find more interesting than London.
London Alternatives: If you want to see 'Olde England' you won't see it much in London, but there are other places where something still exists. The English Tourist Board can furnish much advice if you know what it is that you really want to see.
Cardiff the Welsh capital is undergoing something of a revival, and not only boasts modern developments, but also has a large castle smack in the middle, and in fact for military historians Wales is a goldmine (they have one of those as well), with all of King Edward I's castles littering the landscape. Cardiff also hosts an annual 'military tattoo' in its castle, that is second only to the one held in Edinburgh.
Edinburgh the Scottish capital is the jewel in the crown of British capital cities. Its Architecture was untouched by the bombing campaigns of WWII (which destroyed much of the Medieval buildings that had survived in England), and so all its historic buildings still stand in a beautiful city centre. It hosts the Edinburgh festival in August (which is usually a wet month, so be warned), for which accommodation is at a premium. However if you haven't booked accommodation a year in advance, try looking on the web for accommodation in a small nearby area called 'Portobello', as its connected by a very reliable bus service to Edinburgh centre. This service, takes no more than 20 minutes and is also a late night running service. However its still a great city outside of the festival month and worth the trip ... be aware that Leith is not Edinburgh despite websites suggesting it is.
Northern Ireland: Now that what was euphemistically called 'the troubles' are mostly over, the province is trying to attract visitors. The capital, Belfast, is interesting if not especially attractive. London Derry (or 'Derry' depending on which community you talk to), still has its late medieval city walls, while the 'Giants Causeway' coastal feature is a world heritage site. Also its only 2hrs or so between the two capital cities of Belfast and Dublin by car/rail, so you can visit a Euro-zone nation.
NB: Money ~ the UK is still on Pounds Sterling(£) with the basic £1.00 coin divisible by 100 to currencies as 1 pence, 2 pence, 5 pence, 10 pence, 20 pence and 50 pence coins. Notes are £5.00, £10.00 and £20.00 (there are £50 and £100 notes, but not in general usage, and if offered one, politely decline as the risk of fraud is higher, which is why we don't use them much).
Britain is no longer a member of the European Union, and the rest of the EU is largely on Euro's (€) ... be sure to have some of both if you plan to visit other European countries inside the EU such as Dublin (Those outside the EU have their own sovereign currencies).
Castles and Stately Homes:
Not to be confused as one and the same thing ~ Once all the civil wars and rebellions died out, many lords knocked down the old Moat and Baileys, and set up Stately homes ... Longleat is one such, but there are a lot of them around the regions, and in fact almost anywhere there are good examples that can be visited by tourists. However if time is a factor, then an alternative castle to Windsor is Warwick Castle ~ a big deal in castle terms, and with a Stately Home attached to boot. So a two in one tick list moment, or see Wales for lots of big castles.
Cathedrals:
We also have an abundance of fine Cathedrals across the country ... most major cities have one, and they often put on music events to highlight their acoustic qualities. Similarly we have many museums and art galleries (many, if not all of these are free entrance, although they do ask for voluntary donations).
Countryside:
Despite the UK being an increasingly overcrowded country, there is still much natural beauty with large heather moors, small lakes and big lochs, rolling hills and rugged (if smallish) mountains in Wales and Scotland - transport and accommodation need to be planned to view them.
Many tourists like to see the Lake district (Wordsworth country), the Norfolk Broads (canal boats on the broads are a great way to see the local countryside), the Highlands of Scotland (The Jacobite lands), the Welsh valleys, or the Moors of Devon or Yorkshire ...
Crime:
Fictional: 'Midsomer' is the most dangerous place on earth, literally worse than a Mexican cartel town, and other quaint little towns have homicide rates comparable to Angola. Oddly, TV detective show 'Taggart', was set in a Glasgow that had less 'murders' than in the actual Glasgow ....
Real: The UK generally is a low crime country (murders for example are rare per head of population, but make big news for that same reason), but like most industrialised nations, urban street crime is more common than we would want.
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| *London Crime per 1,000 people By Borough 2012. |
London is actually a multiple of cities, some of which are not worth visiting, some are a little scary, while others are 'showy' and tourist country ... do not stray into the scary ones. Black on Black gun crimes are not unknown in some boroughs such as Hackney and Haringey, and street crimes are not uncommon in others. Tourists are often targeted in London tourist spots for street robbery, so don't wander off the beaten track on your own too much. We also have a begging plague, with our own feckless joined by the best that Eastern Europe can offer, and both littering our streets with the dog on a string and a begging cup. Do not give to beggars, they are invariably 'professional' beggars, who the police should be arresting, and getting your money out may mark you as having money to other interested parties.
Outside of London, in tourist areas such as Stratford Upon Avon (that Shakespeare house), these issues are not such a concern ... you have to be slightly mad to want to sit in the rain in Manchester 'begging' (although still a lot do). Also, because the tourist numbers are not so concentrated, what street crime there is, is more haphazard rather than organised. Glasgow in Scotland is the highest ranked city for violence in the UK .... But in point of fact, street crime is generally very low outside of the hotspots mentioned.
No-Go areas:
There are areas of most cities in the UK (as in most world cities), where whilst you are OK during the day, you wouldn't be so happy to wander at night, these are generally poor sink-hole public housing estates ~ they are of little interest to tourists, but should be avoided at night if you had planned a visit.
Despite official denial, there are ethnic zones in many inner city areas across the country .... the areas are usually poor, often visibly non native, and again unlikely to be of normal interest to a visitor to Britain, so any accidental tourist should be very quickly able to spot when they have wandered into one ... the tourist concerned will likely stand out like a sore thumb. These are not 'rich areas of cultural intermixing', as some would like to portray them, but actually 3rd world blights, where women are subdued in a sea of misogynist and socially backward (and often unemployable), men.
If for some strange reason you find yourself in one of these areas, Do Not Hang About, especially if you are a lone female ... you are usually in no danger of any kind except of being an object of curiosity, but if you feel frightened or threatened, Get Out (or call 999 for the police ~ trust me they will understand). These areas, are not being tackled by extra policing, because the local councils who run all these boroughs, are either in complete denial that they exist, or in the case of one in London, in complete cahoots with the no go agenda.
In general a little bit of common sense will ensure a trouble free visit, by avoiding the obviously dodgy areas .... much the same as say a visitor to Chicago or Los Angeles would need to be careful.
Drinking:
The British do not generally drink in a light manner. That is to say, just a couple of slow drinks to ease conversation along ... to put it bluntly they, 'binge drink' to one degree or other. With older people its usually better controlled (like me!!), and they often remain coherent, if loud, as they drink a couple of pints per hour for hours on end, often finishing with 'one or more for 'last orders'. The younger crowd, don't handle the volumes as well, and can sometimes be aggressive and violent, or more likely just incomprehensible and loud ... if your culture is not of a similar ilk, then do not try to match the locals 'drink for drink'. They are tuned for it, while you are not (the difference is that they will be out doing it all weekend, whereas you may be laid low for some days after a 'session').
If caught in a drinking round, its polite to buy one drink back, or drink a return drink if you bought the first drink, but then either make your excuses and leave (no one is offended if a drinking round has been exchanged), or make a joke about your weaker constitution, and cry out of further round drinking (this second ploy makes the Brit pleased that they can out drink a foreigner, and is accepted as being just part of the natural order of things).
Top Tip for Aussies, Kiwis and White South Africans .,... those little 'stubbies' you drink, are less than half a UK pint, and so being able to neck a 6 pack (or even 12 pack) back home on a Saturday night, hardly counts in UK terms ... moving on to pints while in the UK, usually finds you out .... so don't fool yourselves, or risk making a real fool of yourself.
Drugs:
The UK like any other Western country is beset by a sea of drugs, with 'legal highs' (aka Chemist Drugs) being a special favourite, and a higher risk, as its not known what's in them. Also like other countries, the drug scene is awash with violence and risk ... best advice don't buy them. Your on holiday, and don't want to risk being here for considerably longer at her majesties pleasure! If your holiday must include these items, then use a local who you know and trust, to sort you out ... but never hand over money before getting the gear.
Policing and Emergency Services:
British police do not habitually carry guns, and generally in my opinion, carry out their duties with a better sense of humour than their continental counterparts. They are generally approachable (when there's no riots going on ... just joking), and will help tourists. If you are having a problem or feel endangered, go to the police. The emergency telephone number for the police is 999 ~ do not use this for non emergencies.
The accident and emergency health treatment is free in the UK (well it costs us a fortune in taxes, but its free at point of use), and again the emergency telephone number for the ambulance (and fire brigades) is 999.
Odds and Sods:
A Chip butty is white bread, buttered, with hot chips ('French fries'), as the sandwich content. Served with Tomato (Heinz only ... other red sauces are rubbish) or Brown (HP only ... other brown sauces are rubbish) sauce .... both delicious by the way.
We often apologise for everything British .... even this post LOL. Everyone is always telling visitors how sorry they are for the weather, the food, the travel prices, etc etc ... get used to it, we don't want you to agree.You are supposed to make light of our apologies, and say something nice about us.
Supermarket 'carts' are 'trolleys' in the UK and a 'trunk' is a large suitcase, not back storage area of a car which is 'the boot'.
We often count floors from the ground e.g the 'second' floor is 'the first' and you get there via a 'lift' instead of an 'elevator'.
Many sinks and baths still have two taps of water on the sink: One for steaming hot, one for freezing cold, and if you want mild water, you have to mix it yourself by having both taps on and it mixes in the bowl.
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| Be Safe And Prepare Before You Come Here - Then Enjoy! |
And that's about it ...
Whilst this is an entirely unofficial set of advice, I have tried to be accurate at the time of writing (things change). This post is not to try and put you off coming here, and in fact despite the fact that I'll probably get some grief off other Brits for this advice, I hope that you come and have a great time.
However what I am also hoping this post achieves, is to provide you the sort of advice that is both helpful, and means that you don't come here unprepared for the way things really work in the UK ... and allow you to have a good holiday.
WOW ! That's some summary, almost worth publishing as a Hitch Hiker's Guide to the UK! I even learned some things and I was born there!
ReplyDeleteOne touristy thing which comes to mind is the use of "Ye Olde..." which tends to be pronounced as written but in fact should be pronounce "The Old..." as the "Y" was an old English letter thorn which preceded the digraph (th). Thorn didn't exactly resemble the letter "Y" but was close enough that the "Y" has been used in substitution.
There you go ... I didn't know about the pronunciation of the Ye Olde "Y"
DeleteActually I think it's a great post. It's the frustrations that ruins a holiday not the easy bits.
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