The Best Woke Fringe 2023

 I don't do the Edinburgh Comedy fringe anymore ... but of course its still going on ....

Lorna Rose Treen - Best Joke Fringe 2023

 And this means:

The Top 10 jokes of the 2023 Fringe:

   Winner: "I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheetah" - Lorna Rose Treen.

The rest were:

2. "The most British thing I've ever heard? A lady who said 'Well I'm sorry, but I don't apologise.'" - Liz Guterbock.
3. "Last year I had a great joke about inflation. But it's hardly worth it now." - Amos Gill.
4. "When women gossip we get called bitchy; but when men do it's called a podcast." - Sikisa.
5. "I thought I'd start off with a joke about The Titanic - just to break the ice." - Masai Graham.
6. "How do coeliac Germans greet each other? Gluten tag." - Frank Lavender.
7. "My friend got locked in a coffee place overnight. Now he only ever goes into Starbucks, not the rivals. He's Costa-phobic." - Roger Swift.
8. "I entered the 'How not to surrender' competition and I won hands down." - Bennett Arron.
9. "Nationwide must have looked pretty silly when they opened their first branch." - William Stone.
10. "My grandma describes herself as being in her "twilight years" which I love because they're great films." - Daniel Foxx 

Now you might be thinking that these are 

1. Not Jokes but just one liners, and 
2. Not really all that funny.

..... and you would be right on both counts. The comedy fringe judges are so woke and keen to be seen to be virtue flag waving (BLM, TERF, LGBTQALPHABETSOUP, ETC, ETC) to pressure groups, that over the last few years they have increasingly selected the least offensive to anyone, one liners that they can for the public to judge .... these for instance could go in to a Christmas Cracker as jokes e.g.  "A man walks into a bar ...ouch!" or "I got a Christmas card full of rice today, I think it was from my Uncle Ben." .... same format and genuinely from Xmas Crackers.

I was going to say that they don't write them like that anymore .... but clearly they do, and they win a prize at the Edinburgh Comedy Fringe ..... sad. Ricky Gervais: "Everyone is allowed to offend and everyone is allowed to be offended. Its a good system".

SNOWFLAKE ALERT: THESE JOKES MAY OFFEND THE VERY, VERY, SENSITIVE AMONGST YOU, SO DON'T READ THEM .... ITS YOUR CHOICE IF YOU DO SO.

So as they say, always leave them laughing, here's a few that are not snowflake picked:

During a US comedy show, I once asked the crowd if they were pro-guns, and the majority belted out in approval. So I asked a man in the front row why he was pro-guns, and he gave me the basic “personal protection liberty 2nd amendment” blah de blah.
Very seriously, I told the crowd, “I’m pro-guns because I enjoy living in a world with only four Nirvana albums.”
My friend was the only one who laughed.

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses.
His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. “My friend isn’t breathing,” he shouts into the phone. “What should I do?”
“Relax,” the operator tells him. “I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s silence and then a gunshot.
The guy gets back on the phone and says, “OK, now what?”

My girlfriend, who’s into astronomy, asked me how stars die. “Usually an overdose,” I told her.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, just like my grandfather,
Not screaming like the passengers in his car.

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. But, unfortunately, it just made her more upset.
She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

What does my dad have in common with Nemo?
They both can’t be found.

Patient: “Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?”
Doctor: “To the morgue.”
Patient: “What? But I’m not dead yet!”
Doctor: “And we’re not there yet.”

Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.

My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say, “Knock knock,” we’d say, “Who’s there?”
Then she’d say, “I can’t remember”… and start to cry.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.
You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.

I started crying when dad was cutting onions.
... Onions was such a good dog.

I told my father, “I have an imaginary girlfriend.”
My father sighed and said, “You know, you could do better.”
“Thanks, Dad,” I said.
Father shook his head and said, “I was talking to your girlfriend.”