Friday, 31 July 2015

Monkey Love

A twenty three year old woman, has claimed that she was sexually assaulted by two Barbary Macaques (a form of small ape) which live on the outcrop of Gibraltar.

Barbary Apes Quite Big Boys ..... Apparently

She claimed that the naughty twosome first began groping her ... They "grabbed and pawed me in my most intimate areas. Then with a yank, one pulled my bikini top straight off". She went on to complain to anyone who would listen that although she was screaming with fear, other tourists look on and laughed. "I was being sexually assaulted and these people all thought it was a great joke.”

Eventually a nearby warden came over and freed her from the evil monkey’s grasps, but she was so angered by the incident that she demanded to fill in a police report ..... Only to be told that there was nothing the police could do as the monkeys were 'wild animals' that could not commit 'a crime', and couldn't be held 'criminally responsible'.

In any event there are warning signs not to approach the animals, which tourists regularly ignore, but which are meant to serve a warning that the apes can and do rob tourists (they look for pockets not the 'intimate spots' of hysterical women), and can even give a nasty bite if provoked.

Pinning The Blame On A Monkey Is Difficult ..... Even With A Hint!

The female police officer, who allegedly could barely stifle her laughter, is reported to have added: "And if they could be charged, do you think you could pick out your attacker in a line-up?”.


  1. The three monkeys are Mizaru, covering his eyes, who sees no evil; Kikazaru, covering his ears, who hears no evil; and Iwazaru, covering his mouth, who speaks no evil. The fourth monkey, not usually depicted with the three others, is Shizaru who symbolizes the principle of "do no evil". He may be shown covering his abdomen or crotch, or crossing his arms.

    I can't say that I agree with the warden who said that wild animals cannot held responsible for a crime, ignorance is no defence and animals often receive the death sentence when they kill humans.

    Was she trying to get a selfie with a monkey?

    1. I thought the ones on the left and right were called 'Stoolie One' and 'Stoolie Two', and the one in the middle was called 'Guilty Pickpocket' ..... yeah, she was probably doing something stupid.


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