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Friday, 23 December 2016

Santa's Sidelnes

At this time of year we usually see a spate of 'Bad Santa' stories in the press, and indeed I have featured many of these in this Blog over the years. But this year has been remarkably free of 'Bad Santa's', and even the Elves have been pretty good .... this was the best (or worst) that I could find.


So I have had to raid the ghost box of Christmas Past, to find some suitable naughty list stories.

Bad Santa in Nashville bank ......

Perhaps the worst of these stories was when it was reported that Santa found his wage funds a little low, so he robbed a bank in Nashville Tennessee stating to the teller that ‘Santa needed to pay his elves.’ .... what is the world coming to? I always thought the Elves worked for free and the love of children's smiling faces. They obviously got unionised by red robbo the reindeer, and were demanding minimum wages from a non profit organisation.

Mind you, it may also be that Santa and the elves were secretly expanding their manufacturing concerns, and it was in order to finance this work that wages had been demanded. This judging from the fact that Santa and his helpers were all arrested in an illegal machine gun manufacturing factory in Brazil.

Gun Making In Brazil ... New Sideline For Santa

This turn to the bad side obviously set some of the elves on a similar long trail of naughtiness. After the failed machine gun manufacturing venture, one of his elves (aka William Caldwell III), threatened Santa at the Atlanta Shopping Mall in Georgia - fortunately the Elf only had some 'toy dynamite' (left over from the 1950's and 1960's, when kids were allowed toys with an edge e.g. Full chemistry sets with real chemicals, and plastic dynamite sticks!). So in this case no elves were hurt in the dynamite threat, unless you count the elf currently being passed around like currency, in an overcrowded southern US prison.

This event finally proved to Santa, that criminal mastermind he was not, and both he and the elves seem to have turned to the drink in despair, which resulted in a few incidents of elves driving under the influence of alcohol, when they were arrested. 

Naughty List Elf ..... DUI

Back in his grotto, and with his sleigh licence revoked, he seems to have lost control, the fat jolly man mask slipping once again, when he was arrested for pinching a female elves backside .... a no no these days.

Even In Civvies A Bad Santa Is Spotted By The Press ....

Still, at this time of year we should look to the good in everyone, and even a bad Santa can redeem himself. Whilst in the cells he appears to have come under the influence of green activists, because no sooner was he out of prison again (you can't keep Santa locked up boys and girls), than he and several elves were caught up in an anti-fracking protest, where the police made arrests.

Eco Santa Taking One For The Cause .....

This eco awareness seems to have become a new passion (apparently replacing alcohol and money making), as he was later arrested for encouraging children to write slogans such as ‘Peace,’ ‘Friendship,’ and ‘Grace,’ on the walls of the city of Austin Texas. They also arrested one of the Elves after he used side-walk chalk to write “Free Santa.”  after he had been arrested. Both were charges with Criminal Mischief, while Santa may face additional resisting arrest charges.

Eco Causes Cost Santa Dear ....

But recently he is showing signs of a full rehabilitation ..... when he carried out a drugs bust in the Peruvian capital Lima.

Santa busting Drug Dealers ....

So there we are ... a trip to the Dark-side of Santa and back again ........... Happy Christmas.

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A middle aged orange male ... So 'un' PC it's not true....