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Friday, 22 December 2017

First Blood (On The Carpet) and Other Shorts

Half the UK population would dump their relatives at some point on Christmas day. 21 per cent can only handle relatives for 3 hours before making excuses (needing sleep or pretending to feel ill, doing the dishes or walking the dog were all popular excuses).

The Argument About The Brussels Sprouts Erupted Every Year!
The Argument About The Brussels Sprouts Erupted Every Year!

Those with kids, expect the first stress around 11:25am when a child's tantrum can be expected, while the first major family row occurs around 12:50pm .... when food preparation is under way.

Minced Fries

A chip shop in Camelon, Falkirk, Scotland is selling deep-fried mince pies, and deep fried 'pigs in blankets' over the Christmas holiday .... this is not really a surprise in the country which is home of the deep-fried Mars bar.  Surprisingly, deep fried mince pies are in fact a recognised delicacy which is more than can be said for these other items.

Tortilla Order

A tortilla with an 'image of Christ' on it caused local pilgrims to flock to the home of Iris Castellanos in Danli Honduras. In another apparition incident thousands also flocked to the town of General Las Heras in Argentina after the image of Christ appeared in or on a tree trunk.

Igloo's In Garden

An engineer in Cheslyn Hay, Staffs England built a 9 foot igloo in his garden for the family, only for the family border collie to move in.

Bad Idea

A window dresser for the Irish Republican Prisoners Welfare Association in Londonderry Northern Ireland was arrested by the police, for a 'provocative display'.

Londonderry Bad Snowman
Bad Snowman

After putting up a snowman packing a rocket launcher as the Christmas display .... he added the words "Wishing you an Explosive Christmas".

Sign Of The Times

The usual Christmas terrorist alerts are coming in ....

Xmas Terrorist Alerts Catch The Usual Suspects .. Including Santa
Xmas Terrorist Alerts Catch The Usual Suspects ...

So a guy with a suspicious bag and his face covered with a long beard was always going to be profiled

Jesus Doesn't Feed The Multitude

A community centre pensioner group of 65, had booked a Christmas Dinner at the Best Western Consort Hotel in Rotherham, South Yorkshire. However when they turned up, they were turned away by hotel manager as the booking had been cancelled by someone a week earlier, so they had to have sandwiches back at the community centre  ..... the hotel manager was Jesus Rosales.

2 comments:

  1. There is no objective reason to favour one's relatives over anyone else, just the propagation of one's own genes. Of course it's a double edged sword and coupled with the intimate knowledge that family members naturally have about one another, "forcing" any group of people to regularly get together and socialise will give the same results.

    The apparitions of Christ are miracles! If those that found it can't think of a more plausible explanation than a magical sign from the deity in which they happen to believe then this must be the correct interpretation.

    The hotel manager's name is Rosales! What a coincidence.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You pick your friends ... your relatives, you don't.

      Trees and Rocks look like many things, especially with the eye of faith.

      Yes 'Rosaales', who would have thunk it!

      Delete

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