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Friday 3 January 2020

PC Headlines

The Washington Post Newspaper initially described the death by suicide bomb of Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State group as the death of a "terrorist-in-chief" ....

IS Head Committed Suicide To Evade Capture ...

... before then suddenly changing the headline to "Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, austere religious scholar at the helm of Islamic State, dies age 48".

Obviously a bout of Political Correctness had interfered with their brains ...

He Was Finally An Extremist Leader After All ....

... but the laughter and criticism forced a non-idiot, to enforce a headline change to one, more in line with a butcher and rapists death, and finally they settled on "Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, extremist leader of Islamic State".

However this public mind changing prompted much mocking comments (many of which I thought funny), with other notorious figures death headlines posted in the Washington Post style: These are examples, and I have combined a few, as there were many duplicates ....

Hitler Really Was Time Magazines Man Of The Year ... 1938

  • "Adolf Hitler, dedicated art enthusiast, Time Magazine’s ‘Man of the Year 1938', animal rights activist, and talented orator, dies at 56."
  • "Ted Bundy, meticulous researcher, charismatic ladies man, and Polaroid enthusiast, dead at 42."
  • "Darth Maul, martial artist, excellent student, promising young leader, died tragically today at 25 in a brawl with two men wearing hoodies."
  • "Mohammad Atta, aspiring pilot, creative planner, inspiring leader, and immigrant, missing and presumed dead aged 33, after tragic navigational error while piloting first commercial flight."
Lee Harvey Oswald - Looked Remarkably Like MAD Magazine.

John Wayne Gacy - Dying For A Laugh

  • "John Wayne Gacy - Political hopeful, cook, beloved clown, and male youth mentor dies in his sleep aged 52."
Nicholas and Alexandra - Russian Rulers And Saints

  • "Russian Socialites Nicholas and Alexandra die with family, while vacationing in Yekaterinburg, east of the Ural Mountains."
  • "Gaius Julius Caesar, noted author and Egyptologist, dies surrounded by his friends aged 56."
  • "Hannibal Lecter, well-known forensic psychiatrist and food connoisseur dead at 81."
Jeffrey Dahmer - Loved To Dine In

  • "Jeffrey Dahmer, born again Christian and connoisseur of exotic and locally sourced meats, dies at age 34."
  • "Jeffrey Epstein, financier, philanthropist, and friend to royalty, dies in austere, one room apartment."
  • "Lizzie Borden, a female entrepreneur in the male dominated sport of axe wielding and striking, has died at 66. She leaves behind no living relatives for some reason."
Charles Manson - Family Man

  • "Charles Manson, noted family man, charismatic singer/songwriter and aspiring Hollywood socialite, passes away at 83."
John Wilkes Booth - Couldn't Stand Critics

  • "John Wilkes Booth a noted Thespian, American actor, Democrat Party activist, and member of a prominent theatrical family dead at 26."
Idi Amin Dada - Last King Of Scotland?

  • "His Excellency, President for Life, Field Marshal, Al Hadji, Doctor, Idi Amin Dada, VC, DSO, MC, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Seas and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular, Idi Amin Dada, last King of Scotland, Ugandan revolutionary, Scotch connoisseur, gourmand of hominid delights, pioneer of demographic change, inventor of aircraft route diversion politics, father to 40, and champion of African resistance to capitalism, dies in Saudi Arabia aged 78."
  • "Josef Mengele, pioneering geneticist and Paraguayan hobby farmer, dead at 67."
Wile E. Coyote ... Mission Impossible?

  • "Wile E. Coyote, entrepreneur, gravitational addict, avid birder, dies episodically."
Jack The Ripper - Anti-Prostitution Activist?

  • "Jack the Ripper, a true Londoner who helped many women out of a life of prostitution, dies aged 78."
  • "Darth Vader, disabled father and war hero, presumed dead aboard space station."
  • "Pablo Escobar, pharmaceutical sales rep, local politician, and loving father and husband dead at 44."
Sauron - Protective Of His Ring.

  • "Sauron, noted inventor, jewellery enthusiast, pioneer industrialist, and Orcs rights champion, has died at age 38,052."
  • "Joseph Stalin, self proclaimed money enthusiast, creator of the Gulag hotel chain, and avid Ukrainian bread collector, found dead at 74."
  • "Khan Noonien Singh, loving husband, eugenics enthusiast, Captain of the SS Botany Bay and latterly the USS Reliant passed away last Tuesday in a Starfleet related incident."
Jabba The Hutt - Killed By Girlfriend?

  • "Jabba the Hutt, generous business man, and collector of fine art, strangled to death in his home."

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