Friday, 24 June 2016

Piped Down

Apparently Marks and Spencer that most venerable of UK shopping institutions, are to trial no background music in 300 of their stores. This, after research showed it to be amongst the top pet hates of people while shopping. Strangely, for a man who likes his peace and quiet, I am not so sure this will be a success.

This is because the truth is that a bit of ambient noise, sometimes known as Muzak, helps drown out the hubbub of crowded shops, and stops us having to listen to the foul mouthed expressions of our fellow shoppers. I say foul mouthed, because there is no doubting the fact that the use of the "C" and "F" words in general public locations has grown a lot in recent decades.

Kylie Wasn't Listening To Chantelle's Requests ...

What was once uncommon and shocking, is now fairly common and almost unremarked upon. Its the lingua-franca of the most base and common of our citizens, the underclass, and has a common usage amongst a great tranche of our working classes. This fact, I suspect will be highlighted all too frequently in Marks and Spencer stores, as mothers discipline their offspring with the immortal words 'Our Kylie get the f*ck over here right now you little c*nt.' .... or phrases along those lines.

I shall be watching for news of a reversal of this silence policy with great interest.


  1. Yes, this surprised me too; while I detest intrusive music choices such as jazz or house, innocuous tunes are always welcome.
    Bad language is not only anti social but the perpetrators also deny themselves of its benefits when it is actually justified - overuse blunts it's beneficial effects.

  2. Spike Milligan used to campaign against unnecessary noise, such as Muzak, and would describe how it not only made him feel homicidal, but also ill – palpitations, high blood pressure, sleep loss.

    Whereas this chap has found some merit in muzak (well some types).

    You pays your money and takes your choice.

    1. I sympathise with Spike, we all have different pain thresholds - mine is crossed when I hear Jazz and I am forced out of ear shot. Xmas is a very trying period!

    2. Music spilling out of peoples personal music devices really hacks me off.


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